


(i'll hold you, i'll accept you) i'll try

by krucxa



Series: the only thing I can do for you is to be next to you (i’m sorry) [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempt at Humor, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Prequel, Seo Changbin is Whipped, Synaesthesia, bc i have chromesthesia and i said so, because u know that i always make ppl suffer for no reason, cause it doesn't happen until the first fic ya kno, did i give woojin a helix piercing. maybe so, hyunjin is soft, i'm running on like 4h of sleep hsdjghs, if i mess anything up in this fic pwease don't @ me, im not tagging woochan cause technically it doesnt happen here but its implied, oh minsung's also a thing but like. subtly, oh right, this is probably gonna be, would recommend reading when you love someone before reading this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-08-03 04:51:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16319510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krucxa/pseuds/krucxa
Summary: The next two hours he spends looking up at the stained, grey ceiling while letting Hyunjin's even breathing lull him to sleep.





	(i'll hold you, i'll accept you) i'll try

**Author's Note:**

> WHAT'S UP MY DUDES I'M STILL ALIVE UNFortunately-  
> and i'm seriously so, so sorry for the radio silence the last? month? two months?? i'm honestly not sure at this point  
> it's just, the school has started again and with my situation, i don't really have much time to write lately - or at all, tbh. this is literally all i've been able to write through this whole time,,  
> so. i don't know when i'm gonna update the minsung cupid fic. i don't know when i'll be able to update this fic, either. but, i wanted to drop at least Something after all this silence, so.  
> i hope u like it! _when you love someone_ has a special place in my heart and i wanted to. idk show a little bit more of that universe, i guess? so, here it is. a prequel! with our special boys, changbin and hyunjin! can't forget the sunshine line either lmao

His eyes flutter open to the sound of the clock ticking and muffled music coming through the thin walls from somewhere in the same building - probably on the same floor as his dorm as well, he guesses.

He can't hold back an eye roll at the fact, stretching out his neck to check the hour, before pulling back with a wince.

Of course some college students he doesn't even know would throw a party at two in the morning, on the exact same day Changbin has that one annoying exam he's been stressing over for the entire past week. He silently hoped he'd at least manage to get some actual rest for it, but he's always been a light sleeper, unlike Hyunjin. Just his luck.

Speaking of Hyunjin, he turns to lie on his side, squinting his eyes at the dark to steal a glance at his sleeping best friend.

It takes him a few seconds and a string of hushed curses before he gives up and reaches up to the switch of the fairy lights hanging above his bed, the tips of his fingers grazing it blindly until finally his struggles end, and a warm, orange light washes over the room, even if barely reaching Hyunjin's silhouette.

His gaze falls to the floor for a moment, getting used to the sudden brightness, before scrunching his nose and hiding his face under the palm of his hand.

It's hot, too hot, in their shared room, but even pushing the blanket all the way down doesn't help. His entire self is burning, his skin tingling uncomfortably and sticking to the sheets - the upbeat music only seeming louder than just seconds ago, suddenly too much for him, too overwhelming.

Deciding he can't take it anymore, he shoots up to a standing position, his vision immediately filling with black dots but he pays it no mind - instead, he taps his foot on the floor next to his bed in search of his, slightly worn out at this point, slippers.

After successfully putting them on, he pads up to window and tugs it open - only managing to do it on the second try.

Not one of his proudest moments, but hey, the windows in this building are kind of shitty, so it's not his fault, really.

There's a chill breeze that passes by, circling the dorm and tickling the back of his neck, causing him to shudder as a shiver runs down his spine.

It's kind of refreshing though, in its own way, and he lets his eyes droop closed as he leans his head against the glass, sighing at the freezing touch on the skin of his forehead and the cold wind that slowly seeps through the, now opened, gap.

Only then does he remember about his best friend, as a faint mumble reaches his ears - Hyunjin's voice stifled by the pillow he's smushed half of his face in, and when Changbin turns around to glance at the younger, he can't hold back the gentle smile that pulls at his lips.

There, on the side of the bed, lays Hyunjin in a mess of sprawled limbs and the almost ridiculous amount of pillows that he refuses to get rid of any time Changbin as much as mentions it. His hair sticks to the boy's skin, matted from the dance practice he attended that evening, somehow still managing to look unbelievably soft - and Changbin makes a mental note to nag at the younger boy to go take a shower after he wakes up, since he didn't bother to do it before going to sleep, apparently.

The boy's shoulders stiffen for a second, another mutter leaving his lips, which sounds suspiciously alike _you can't even reach my ankles, you gremlin_ , and Changbin has to bite his lip so that he doesn't laugh out loud.

He walks closer, sitting on the edge of the bed, careful enough as not to wake up the younger - even if Hyunjin's sleep is usually so deep Changbin would assume he's dead if he didn't know the other that well.

"Calm down, you giant baby, nobody's going to fight you," he whispers under his breath, his eyes softening when Hyunjin only scrunches his nose at the noise, otherwise clear of any other signs of waking up.

Changbin's not going to fall asleep that night, anyway - at least he doesn't think so - but at least he could lie down next to his best friend and appreciate his presence for some time, right?

And so that's exactly what he does - grabbing one of the stray pillows for himself and shuffling in a little bit closer, just enough so that Hyunjin wouldn't accidentally kick him down from the bed or anything like that - with him, Changbin always has to take this type of precautions. Hyunjin's sleeping habits can be a pain at times, but he's already gotten used to them. Also, it's actually kind of cute when he thinks about it more, so he doesn't complain.

The younger doesn't mumble in his sleep any more after that - he does throw a hand over Changbin's chest, though.

And Changbin? He only shakes his head with a light chuckle, before letting Hyunjin cuddle up to him like an overgrown koala.

The next two hours he spends looking up at the stained, grey ceiling while letting Hyunjin's even breathing lull him to sleep.

×

_("What are you listening to?"_

_The words seem both like a shout and a hushed whisper to him as an impatient hand yanks out one of his earphones from his ear, and his eyebrows furrow as he turns to face his friend._

_"KNK's Rain," he mutters, unable to hide the bitterness from his voice as he adds, "but you'd know it anyway, even without stealing my earphones."_

_"I guess, yeah," replies the older, and he can't hold himself back from smacking the boy's arm when he sees the way he rolls his eyes lazily, "though I'm not patient enough for that."_

_Now it's his own turn to roll his eyes at the other, huffing out a chuckle as the older kicks his shin in retaliation._

_He doesn't come up with anything else to say, though, and as the silence follows, he suddenly becomes conscious of the slight gap in between their bodies - the way Jisung casually kicks his feet in the air, his eyes following the movement, until they fall back onto the boy's face._

_There's a slip of confusion in the cautious way Jisung holds his gaze, his fingers gripping the sleeves of his jacket, fiddling with the few stray threads when he speaks up again._

_"Hey, man, are you okay? I mean," he sucks in a breath, nibbling at his bottom lip nervously before continuing, "did something happen? You seem kinda... off."_

_He can only nod in reply, the smile slipping from his lips - and he can't even recognize his own voice when he finally responds._

_"Yeah, it's just, you know. The usual," the words feel numb as they leave his mouth, foreign, even, "my dad... he didn't actually do anything today, or just, not that much, really. Mostly, he's just shouted a few things, but nothing more than that- I, I just," he interrupts himself, closing his eyes for a second as he tries to calm down his racing thoughts, "I don't even know why I feel so affected by it, today. I mean, I thought I was already used to this."_

_His hold on his phone tightens, and when did his shoulders stiffen so much, anyway?_

_You know what, nevermind. He doesn't really want to know the answer._

_"Okay."_

_The reply is nowhere near what he expected to hear - honestly, he's not even sure what exactly he was expecting. Silence? A quiet hum, or maybe just a few whispered measurements? Maybe. Not this, anyway._

_"What?" he puffs out, turning to glance at Jisung again. The boy isn't even looking at him though, his gaze stuck ahead, impossible to read._

_A second passes as he waits for an answer, but he's patient. Sometimes, at least. With a best friend like Jisung, he probably wouldn't survive without at least a bit of patience._

_"It's just that. Okay," finally mumbles the boy, tapping his foot absently. His face still doesn't show his thoughts, but after a second the boy tilts his head to the side, his own confused eyes finally meeting Jisung's in search of an explanation, "simple as that. You know, you don't have to look for the exact reason why you're feeling shitty. Sometimes, it just happens, even when we think we're already past something."_

_Jisung's eyes are shaded by something he can't put his finger on, the boy's expression open, yet tired in a way that it's hard to tell what's the cause of it, at this point - he doesn't dare dwell on it._

_He doesn't really have to, though, as Jisung opens his mouth again to add, "I, for example, keep telling myself that I'm okay with my soulmate just up and leaving me," the corner of his lips twitches, twisting into a smile so full of irony he almost can't recognize his own friend, "but, it's hard, when every night, I see them in my dreams again."_

_To that, he doesn't have any response._

_So he only reaches out his hand and links their arms together, followed by a few quiet sniffles from Jisung.)_

When Changbin wakes up, it's to a confused hum from Hyunjin as the younger wiggles his shoulder, his neck stiff from the awkward angle, and a groan slips past his lips as he straightens up in his chair.

"Dude, did you seriously fell asleep while studying?"

There's that questioning eyebrow raise he's already so used to seeing, as Hyunjin looks him up and down before his gaze lands on the notebook Changbin just took a nap on, "you're acting as if that's something surprising, around here."

He can't help it, the way he quickly closes the notebook, already a little self-conscious of his own actions - but Hyunjin only smiles gently before murmuring a soft _fair enough_.

"But don't think you're off cleaning today. The laundry's waiting for you, and you already owe me for the last time you _apparently_ didn't have the energy to do it," Hyunjin adds, his usually violet voice now slipping into pink hues as a teasing grin finds its way on his lips.

Changbin ignores the way it makes his heart flip in favor of rolling his eyes.

"Sure, captain."

×

There's a slip of anxiousness in his chest as he looks up at a building he's never stepped his foot inside, before - the few trees surrounding him standing tall and proud, their leaves rustling in the wind - and it's just that, he feels the slightest bit out of place; especially with the unmistakable breeze passing by, which he doesn't even get to feel, his hair matted to his forehead by the nervous sweat.

His eyes flit down to the phone in his hand, double checking the address - which he already has memorized, anyway. Technically, he knows he's got the right building. His anxiety says otherwise, though.

He takes a deep breath, slowly releasing it. The grasp on his phone tightens as he does so, before he reluctantly slips it back into his back pocket and turns to face the building again.

It's kind of hard, pushing open the door - not because it's exceptionally heavy or anything, it's just the realization that as he enters, he can't take it back now.

Then, he steps inside and hopes for the best.

He doesn't bother closing his eyes - he's pretty sure he'd just straight up faint if he did so - but his gaze falls to the floor instinctively. He can feel his heart pace quickening, his palms starting to feel sweaty, and when did he even become this anxious? He's never really had to deal with these feelings before.

"Do you need any help?"

He startles at the words, almost dropping the bag thrown over his shoulder and he glances up just to find a man staring straight back at him. Before he comes up with a reply, he takes his time to take the other in.

As the man holds Changbin's gaze, it's not with confusion or a challenge - instead, there's a soft glint in his eyes, the corners of his lips tilted up in a gentle smile. Obviously dyed blonde locks of hair, so light it almost looks white, frame his face but aren't enough to hide the helix ring in his left ear.

It's intriguing, kind of.

"What?" blurts out Changbin, eloquent as always.

He kicks himself mentally for that.

The other doesn't seem to mind though, a chuckle escaping his mouth in a cerulean puff, and as he speaks again, his voice paints the space between them in sky blue hues.

"It's just that, this is the first time I've seen you here- and, you look kinda lost," there's a rosy tint on the boy's cheeks as he explains it, as if the words were embarrassing in some way, "so, you need any help?"

Changbin can only nod, at a loss of words - before his phone buzzes and he's reminded why he's there in the first place.

"No- wait, actually, yeah. I'm just here to see Minho," he stumbles over his words, his ears literally burning as he tries to explain himself further, "if, if you even know him? Lee Minho? We were supposed to meet up around here but I don't really know where he is and-"

Before he can say anything else though, he sees the other already waving his hands in the air, in a hurry to catch his attention.

"Okay, okay, where's the fire? No but seriously, don't worry, I know who you're talking about," the blonde says, his lips slowly stretching back into a calming smile, "Minho's at the practice room, the one with numbers 1.03 above it. He's always out there, dancing away and having people fall for his smooth moves."

The boy looks up for a second, his lip jutting out slightly before he corrects himself, "or, on a second thought, one person in particular- but Jisung would kill me if Minho heard about this, so please forget I said anything."

Changbin just kind of stared at him, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water, the blonde taking it as a cue to speak up again, "here, Minho's probably closed the practice room again, but spare keys exist for a reason, right?" his hand extended in Changbin's direction, as he leans over the counter slightly to get rid of the awkward space between them, "I'm Woojin, by the way."

"Changbin," he murmurs, taking the keys with a thankful nod before glancing into the hallway; he's pretty sure he sees Woojin waving lightly to him as he leaves.

He doesn't have the time to think more about the man, because sooner than he's ready for it, he's already by the door titled 1.03.

As he looks around, there aren't any windows in sight - but the glass doors make it possible to see what's happening inside. Remembering what Woojin has told him, he shuffles closer, peaking into the room.

It's kind of a feeling of deja vu, that hits him out of nowhere - he doesn't really understand it, though.

Because as he looks inside the room, sees Minho's back as the older stretches in this one, loose set of workout clothes Changbin has helped in picking out, once - it suddenly feels as if this isn't the first time he looks at the scene.

He pinches his thigh, just hard enough to feel it, before shaking his head lightly. No, it's impossible. This is the first time he's stepped a foot into this place, after all.

And, he doesn't hesitate to open the door this time.

"You're late."

Minho's voice fills the room immediately, the familiar, deep red of his voice hitting Changbin for the first time in a while - and he realizes, he's missed it.

He's missed Minho.

"So, what? You gonna join me or not?" the older continues, his hands landing on his hips and he tilts his head to the side, his eyes scanning Changbin from head to toe.

"Sure, just," he huffs out, grabbing the zipper of his bag and quickly pulling it open, "just give me a second to change, okay?"

Minho puffs out a laugh; Changbin just nibbles on his lip, suddenly nervous.

"Wh- where's the locker room, anyway?"

×

"Hey."

The soft murmur tickles his neck as a pair of lips brush his skin; Hyunjin's head resting casually on his upper back, the boy's hair trailing against his shoulders whenever the younger moves.

It's comfortable. Maybe even, a little bit too comfortable - Changbin's pretty sure that if they stayed like this, cuddled into each other on the cranky dorm couch, he wouldn't have any trouble falling asleep.

If only Hyunjin kept silent, that is.

"Hey-" Because even the scratchy texture of the couch isn't as distracting with Hyunjin's hands wrapped around his chest, the younger's legs bent in an awkward angle as to not poke out - it kind of makes him wonder, when has Hyunjin gotten so tall?

He squints, knocking his knee against Hyunjin's own - the boy only whines in reply, which Changbin ignores swiftly.

"Changbin, hey."

He doesn't bother replying; instead, he just hums, tilting his head to the side as his gaze falls to Hyunjin's linked hands resting on top of his stomach.

There's a light scratch on the side of the boy's palm - probably a paper cut, Changbin guesses. The younger gets them a lot, so it's nothing that would concern him too much. On the other side, though, he finds it hard to find the black cross staining the inside of Hyunjin's wrist, as if the other tried to disguise it with make up. Maybe, he even did. Changbin wouldn't be too surprised if he did.

It's understandable, after all.

Even if he can still kind of see a dark blemish on the tanned skin, when he looks at it from a certain angle.

"Binnie, sweetie," the whine reaches his ears and his neck cracks pitifully as he whips his head back - his cheeks warm and rosy, his lips twisted in embarrassment when he stutters out a _what?_

He can only swat at Hyunjin's shoulder when the younger huffs out a chuckle at his reaction.

"Sorry, it's just-" the boy interrupts himself, taking a breath to hopefully calm himself down as he speaks, even if the smile doesn't leave his lips, "you weren't responding, and my legs have already fallen asleep, so."

There's something in the way one corner of his lips tilts up a bit higher, that boyish charm Changbin has always heard people mentioning but never understood what it actually meant; now, it leaves a warm tingle in his chest, "also, as much as I would love to cuddle some more, I have to finish my art assignment today, like, seriously."

"Sure, nerd," he murmurs in reply; he can't hold back from mirroring Hyunjin's smile before rolling down onto the floor and sticking one of his legs out - aiming at Hyunjin's shins, but hitting his tummy instead, judging by the boy's amused huff.

It's all that's needed for the silence to take over again, a comfortable constant in between the two of them.

It's kind of comforting, the fact that there's no words needed to be shared, for them to feel somewhat content. Not anymore, at least.

They've known each other for long enough to realize that.

And for some reason, Changbin can't stop himself from smiling like a fool when he hears the quiet _tap tap tap_ of Hyunjin's feet against the wooden floor. He doesn't even get up - he's not sure, if he's actually too tired or just too lazy for that.

He doesn't have more time to think about it, though, when he hears the notification from his phone.

Confused, he reaches out to the locker of his hoodie, pulling it out and glancing at the screen.

_Changbin what the fuck_

Because, what else would his dear friend greet him with - he scrunches his note at the text, considering for a second just ghosting him - but his curiosity gets the best of him.

_what is it loser_

_I think I saw you in my dream??_

**Author's Note:**

> woooooo if u liked it, please leave some feedback! it's always more motivating than silence, or the usual 'update pls', so,,,,,,,,, yeah. love ya <333


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